I have forsaken the old blog for far too long and the cobwebs in my brain are building up. I don't care for that feeling. I'm just the kind of girl that has to get things out on a regular basis. Keeps me sane. Facebook has been a poor substitute because if I tell how I really feel, I sometimes cause a lot of grief. Other times, I receive a lot of grief. Either way, not a win.
Today, I have many thoughts running around in the old noggin about being a victim. It is so easy to do. Instant attention. If I casually say, "I'm so fat.", someone will say, "No you're not!" and the attention banter will commence. Fill in the blank with the first response, the dance steps remain the same. "I wish I was pretty.", "I don't have any friends.", "No one ever asks me out.", etc. So many kids do this on a regular basis. Sadly, the attention is fickle. You've got them for the moment, they want to FIX you. They want to tell you what you want to hear so they never have to hear that awkward statement again! About the third or fourth time they hear it, they make a mental note: this kid is not fun to be around...I don't want to spend every conversation assuring her/him that she/he is okay...I just want to talk about how amazing my prom dress is and complain about homework.
Self deprecation is the worst 'cation of all. If your doing it to fish up a compliment, it won't ring true to your brain and it will make you crave compliments even more. AND...Sadly, it is a self fulfilling prophesy. If I tell myself I am a bad wife, my brain won't even allow me to try to be a good one-because I am so obviously bad. If I say my husband is a jerk, all I will notice about him are the jerky things he does. If I make up my mind I HATE someone, everything they do will reinforce it. The same is true if I make up my mind I LOVE someone, everything they do will endear them to me.
People are so funny, we hear things that describe us and we live up to it. That means if I tell myself I am pretty, I will dress like a pretty girl. I will fix my hair and wear make up and not choose to wear sweat pants and a stained t-shirt. (Not that there are not wonderful times to wear aforementioned clothing...like now for me.) If I believe I am a good mom, I will be a better mom than if I just give up. If I believe it, I will see signs all around that affirm my goodness.
This is why encouragement is soooooooo important. Tell your loved ones you love them. Give them an honest compliment. Believe good things about them. 'Photoshop' their behavior...edit it and picture them better than they are. In fact, do this with everyone...but most importantly with yourself. No one is ever drawn to someone who complains they are a loser...so just stop it. Be a winner, think like a winner. Proverbs 23:7 " For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he." True words. (Also, totally out of context, but it is still true. Go on-read the whole chapter, it is a warning against people who are not sincere.)
Now another scripture reminds me that life is hard and I need to be an encourager, a helper, and a kind person. I need to speak goodness and love over everyone, but most especially me. If I don't like me, it's pretty hard to like anyone. This one is not out of context and it is my favorite verse in the Bible.
Hebrews 3:13 "But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness."
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Monday, April 22, 2013
Doing It Wrong
Long, long ago in a galaxy far, far away, I was a homeschooling mom. Every day there was a plan and every day, a percentage of those plans was thwarted. Some days a little, some days were completely overthrown. Those complete overthrow days were usually a great success in other ways though. A beautiful day when going outside to get the mail would create a longing to be outside so strong that it could not be ignored. A day when a friend invited us over and we left our lessons undone. A knock on the door that resulted in a surprise visit. Planned field trips that added unplanned field trips. Each one of these brought with it a sense of spontaneity and delight that the planned lesson could not compete with. Many times, I felt off-track because of those days. I did not always embrace the changes, but I did usually try to 'roll with it'. I'm so thankful. Years later, those are some of our favorite memories.
I have a somewhat rigid schedule these days. There isn't much time for veering off-course. I miss it. And I don't. I hope my children learn that in life, there is a deep-seated need for both. We are creatures of habit...but we are also creatures that delight in surprise.
In homeschool, doing it wrong was probably my biggest fear. I worried about these things: leaving something out, leaving gaps in my kid's education, letting them slip behind, pushing too hard, not pushing hard enough, missing an educational 'marker' that would leave them at a disadvantage, developing poor study skills, messing them up. Those things and 100 others. I played the comparison game with other homeschoolers; won some of those, lost some.
Now that my kids are established in public school, I feel more confident in who they are as learners. They are smart. They make good grades. They still hate busy work more than anything in the world. They love the teachers that challenge them to think. They are often very shocking in how LITTLE their beliefs resemble my beliefs and other times they are mini-mes. I feel pretty good that school won't burn them out on learning-but inspire them to learn. I laugh at the me that put way too much pressure on myself. I feel bad that I did not trust God to fill in the gaps while I homeschooled. I know I did a good job in some areas, a terrible job in others and God gave me people and places that smoothed out the rough spots. The end result was more than just what I put into them. I. DID. IT. WRONG. God made it all right.
AND YET, here I am. Today, it isn't the school work paralyzing me with fears. It is the character development that scares me. I'm not spending enough time praying, studying the Bible, and micromanaging their decisions. I'm trying so hard to teach them time management, discernment and financial principles. I'm trying to help them be kind and Christlike even when people don't deserve it. I'm trying to model grace and mercy AND standing up for yourself. I feel the time is running out and I have a lifetime of things I haven't gotten to. We have a sex/abstinence/purity talk almost every day. I push them to care about grades and not procrastinate. I listen and advise even when it isn't asked for. I. AM. CONVINCED. I. AM. DOING. IT. WRONG. AND, in so many ways, I am. I yell a lot. I sweat the small stuff. I forget things. I make snap judgements that are wrong. I over-react. I under-react. I'm too strict. I'm too permissive. I make crude jokes. I laugh at their crude jokes. I mess up at least once every day. I cry and freak out. I apologize and feel inferior to other moms. I feel superior to other moms and pass judgement.
The good news, and the point of this post: God has my back. Romans 8:28- And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
WE belong to HIM. HE is in control. I can't make a mistake that He can't use for His own glory. He WILL use me and my kids to further HIS kingdom EVEN THOUGH WE ARE NOT DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT. When I am weak, He is strong.
I am praising the Lord that He is in control and I am not. The rest of you probably should be too.
I have a somewhat rigid schedule these days. There isn't much time for veering off-course. I miss it. And I don't. I hope my children learn that in life, there is a deep-seated need for both. We are creatures of habit...but we are also creatures that delight in surprise.
In homeschool, doing it wrong was probably my biggest fear. I worried about these things: leaving something out, leaving gaps in my kid's education, letting them slip behind, pushing too hard, not pushing hard enough, missing an educational 'marker' that would leave them at a disadvantage, developing poor study skills, messing them up. Those things and 100 others. I played the comparison game with other homeschoolers; won some of those, lost some.
Now that my kids are established in public school, I feel more confident in who they are as learners. They are smart. They make good grades. They still hate busy work more than anything in the world. They love the teachers that challenge them to think. They are often very shocking in how LITTLE their beliefs resemble my beliefs and other times they are mini-mes. I feel pretty good that school won't burn them out on learning-but inspire them to learn. I laugh at the me that put way too much pressure on myself. I feel bad that I did not trust God to fill in the gaps while I homeschooled. I know I did a good job in some areas, a terrible job in others and God gave me people and places that smoothed out the rough spots. The end result was more than just what I put into them. I. DID. IT. WRONG. God made it all right.
AND YET, here I am. Today, it isn't the school work paralyzing me with fears. It is the character development that scares me. I'm not spending enough time praying, studying the Bible, and micromanaging their decisions. I'm trying so hard to teach them time management, discernment and financial principles. I'm trying to help them be kind and Christlike even when people don't deserve it. I'm trying to model grace and mercy AND standing up for yourself. I feel the time is running out and I have a lifetime of things I haven't gotten to. We have a sex/abstinence/purity talk almost every day. I push them to care about grades and not procrastinate. I listen and advise even when it isn't asked for. I. AM. CONVINCED. I. AM. DOING. IT. WRONG. AND, in so many ways, I am. I yell a lot. I sweat the small stuff. I forget things. I make snap judgements that are wrong. I over-react. I under-react. I'm too strict. I'm too permissive. I make crude jokes. I laugh at their crude jokes. I mess up at least once every day. I cry and freak out. I apologize and feel inferior to other moms. I feel superior to other moms and pass judgement.
The good news, and the point of this post: God has my back. Romans 8:28- And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
WE belong to HIM. HE is in control. I can't make a mistake that He can't use for His own glory. He WILL use me and my kids to further HIS kingdom EVEN THOUGH WE ARE NOT DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT. When I am weak, He is strong.
I am praising the Lord that He is in control and I am not. The rest of you probably should be too.
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
New Things:
- I am now a substitute teacher at the high school my two oldest daughters attend. I love it but I often spend hours being emotional after I work because some of the kids have such a hard life. High school is not a soothing, nurturing place.
- I am a full time student and I have all A's and B's...except for the class with the teacher from hell that won't post the assignments for his class and does not test us over material he has covered. He instead tests us over material we have never seen...that isn't in the book. But I have a C, so I'm gonna ride it out and see what happens.
- Two of my children are running track. The middle one is on the speech team and academic team. Everyone loves their 'sport'.
- Being a teacher is a really hard job...being a sub is delightfully easy.
- I am still the card lady on a very part time basis.
- I am still preparing Wednesday night meals at my church.
- I am still helping to coordinate teachers for children's classes and trying to involve as many people as possible with ministering to children.
Monday, February 04, 2013
Regrets...
Everyone has at least one regret in their life, right? I have a really big one: Not finishing college. Sooo, I am now back to school. Last semester, I took a history course online so I could have enough hours to be a substitute teacher. It sort of gave me a nudge in the right direction...now I am all in. Full-time and I cannot say that I love it. I also do not hate it. It is the right thing to do.
At the end of this semester, I will lack ONE class to have my associate degree. Sadly, I will have about 20 hours more than an associate degree requires. Eventually, I hope to get my BS in biology. And to be a park ranger. But not for a while. Putting a regret behind me is such a good thing. Even though it is really hard.
At the end of this semester, I will lack ONE class to have my associate degree. Sadly, I will have about 20 hours more than an associate degree requires. Eventually, I hope to get my BS in biology. And to be a park ranger. But not for a while. Putting a regret behind me is such a good thing. Even though it is really hard.
Monday, December 03, 2012
Politics
So much in my brain that needs to come out. I've exhausted myself with politics. I am convinced thast America is on the decline not because America isn't smart, but because they are ignorant. We are doing things on automatic because we don't know any better. It isn't that I am uncaring about the poor and underprivileged (I grew up that way and I am cetainly not rich now!), it is that it cannot be SUSTAINED. I would love to make sure every family in America has a tv, phone, food, shelter, insurance and transportation. HOWEVER, we cannot afford it.
There are things that are good and wholesome and worthwhile that my personal family cannot afford either. Hubby and I went to a fundraiser banquet recently and my heart was stirred in a big way. I wanted to write a huge check to this ministry and help them raise the funds they need to help all the people the way they want to help. However, hubby and I had already determined what we could afford before we went and that is what we were able to give.
Emotional giving is something we all face. People appeal to our emotions to try to prompt us to give more money. I got no problem with that. Maybe you give up a luxury item to be able to give more. Maybe you give up alot of things to really bless a charity. That is awesome and I applaud it.
The same should not hold true for TAXES. Taxes are collected to maintain the government in the way the Constitution outlines. We COULD pare back governmental spending to just those things and then from there we can see what is left and where we can afford to help with other stuff. How about we start paring back Congressional benefits until crooks and theives are not so attracted to it. Don't appeal to my charitable leanings for GOVERNMENT. Don't tell me that because someone is UBER rich that they should have to pay more. BULL. They are not the enemy. No one should be able to force you to give more of your income because you have worked hard for it and make more than others. Taxes should be percentage based, period. Do you realize that most people in America do not pay taxes and the very rich pay over 50% of their income? In what world is that fair??? People with kids get a HUGE tax credit...why? Did we not choose that?
I love this country and all she has to offer. At this point in the game, anybody that is willing to work hard can earn a living. I worked two part time jobs when I was fresh out of high school so I could live on my own in Paducah and go to school. That is alot of working time and I still did not make alot of money as both jobs were minimum wage. However, it did teach me to live frugally. There were not any extras. It was a good lesson. I don't consider cable, cell phone and eating out to be needs. Those are luxuries. Even transportation is a luxury...cars cost alot to operate and maintain. Pets are another luxury. Cell phones are certainly a luxury.
My point is, our government needs to cut back on spending and so does its citizens. We need an education in basic needs versus luxuries. We need to stop worrying about what everyone else has and focus on what we can afford. Those pesky 'Joneses' always keep buying more stuff...it makes them impossible to 'keep up with'...so we should probably go ahead and stop trying.
There are things that are good and wholesome and worthwhile that my personal family cannot afford either. Hubby and I went to a fundraiser banquet recently and my heart was stirred in a big way. I wanted to write a huge check to this ministry and help them raise the funds they need to help all the people the way they want to help. However, hubby and I had already determined what we could afford before we went and that is what we were able to give.
Emotional giving is something we all face. People appeal to our emotions to try to prompt us to give more money. I got no problem with that. Maybe you give up a luxury item to be able to give more. Maybe you give up alot of things to really bless a charity. That is awesome and I applaud it.
The same should not hold true for TAXES. Taxes are collected to maintain the government in the way the Constitution outlines. We COULD pare back governmental spending to just those things and then from there we can see what is left and where we can afford to help with other stuff. How about we start paring back Congressional benefits until crooks and theives are not so attracted to it. Don't appeal to my charitable leanings for GOVERNMENT. Don't tell me that because someone is UBER rich that they should have to pay more. BULL. They are not the enemy. No one should be able to force you to give more of your income because you have worked hard for it and make more than others. Taxes should be percentage based, period. Do you realize that most people in America do not pay taxes and the very rich pay over 50% of their income? In what world is that fair??? People with kids get a HUGE tax credit...why? Did we not choose that?
I love this country and all she has to offer. At this point in the game, anybody that is willing to work hard can earn a living. I worked two part time jobs when I was fresh out of high school so I could live on my own in Paducah and go to school. That is alot of working time and I still did not make alot of money as both jobs were minimum wage. However, it did teach me to live frugally. There were not any extras. It was a good lesson. I don't consider cable, cell phone and eating out to be needs. Those are luxuries. Even transportation is a luxury...cars cost alot to operate and maintain. Pets are another luxury. Cell phones are certainly a luxury.
My point is, our government needs to cut back on spending and so does its citizens. We need an education in basic needs versus luxuries. We need to stop worrying about what everyone else has and focus on what we can afford. Those pesky 'Joneses' always keep buying more stuff...it makes them impossible to 'keep up with'...so we should probably go ahead and stop trying.
Neglect
My blog is much neglected of late. So is my house and my hair is long overdue for a trim. There are mini gardens in my backyard that remain in need of attention. This is my life right now. I have to prioritize and that means some stuff gets left out. My children are center stage right now and my job as chaffeur is much in demand. I also lend my chaffeur skills to my mom about once a week. Add to that the many projects I am a part of at church plus the online history class I am taking and there just isn't alot of extra space left. Oh and that pesky little part time job.
So, all of that to say, I am in the 'busy' season of life. And, for the most part, I am content there. I've never really been one who likes inactivity. Most of the things I enjoy are things that require motion-even if only the wheels in my brain at times. I try to remember that these are the last years of my children being in my nest. In the next 8 years, my nest will become something I will have very limited control over. Something that will not even resemble what it is now, not that I am kidding myself thinking I have anything resembling control now, lol. I just know the winds of change are only a breeze right now but will become a hurricane soon enough.
Yesterday, my house was full of the small children in my growth group from church. I get misty-eyed watching toddlers. I have mixed emotions-I was 'there' for all of my kiddos growing up years. I didn't 'miss' it but I am not sure I savored it enough. I looked forward to the next thing too much and did not enjoy the right now. Of course, this is one of those 'with age, comes wisdom' kind of things. I could not change a thing...even if I went back in time, the events would just repeat.
I remind myself to savor the years I have left. I love my children with the enlarged heart that all mothers possess. Even with the mouthiness that accompanies puberty. The self-centeredness that causes the independence that causes kids to grow up. The 'world revolves around me' mentality that exists even in the most good-natured teen. Does it shrink my heart? Not at all. It does make it ache a little. I so vividly remember from my own life the tough lessons that are ahead for my children. I long to insulate them from the day they learn the world does, most assuredly, NOT revolve around them. I wish I could save them from one-tenth of the heart ache that lies ahead. But I cannot. This heartache will continue their whole lives and it is where their character will emerge. It is how God will make them into the women He needs them to be.
So, forgive me for too much nostalgia this morning. My babies are growing up and I have a love/hate relationship with it. However, I am well rested and my kids help me with cleaning and housework. They do not rely on me for everything. Soon I will even have a young driver to run some of my errands. Life is good and every age brings with it new challenges, but also new blessings. I am thankful God made my life into something glorious. My blessings are heaped up and spill over.
So, all of that to say, I am in the 'busy' season of life. And, for the most part, I am content there. I've never really been one who likes inactivity. Most of the things I enjoy are things that require motion-even if only the wheels in my brain at times. I try to remember that these are the last years of my children being in my nest. In the next 8 years, my nest will become something I will have very limited control over. Something that will not even resemble what it is now, not that I am kidding myself thinking I have anything resembling control now, lol. I just know the winds of change are only a breeze right now but will become a hurricane soon enough.
Yesterday, my house was full of the small children in my growth group from church. I get misty-eyed watching toddlers. I have mixed emotions-I was 'there' for all of my kiddos growing up years. I didn't 'miss' it but I am not sure I savored it enough. I looked forward to the next thing too much and did not enjoy the right now. Of course, this is one of those 'with age, comes wisdom' kind of things. I could not change a thing...even if I went back in time, the events would just repeat.
I remind myself to savor the years I have left. I love my children with the enlarged heart that all mothers possess. Even with the mouthiness that accompanies puberty. The self-centeredness that causes the independence that causes kids to grow up. The 'world revolves around me' mentality that exists even in the most good-natured teen. Does it shrink my heart? Not at all. It does make it ache a little. I so vividly remember from my own life the tough lessons that are ahead for my children. I long to insulate them from the day they learn the world does, most assuredly, NOT revolve around them. I wish I could save them from one-tenth of the heart ache that lies ahead. But I cannot. This heartache will continue their whole lives and it is where their character will emerge. It is how God will make them into the women He needs them to be.
So, forgive me for too much nostalgia this morning. My babies are growing up and I have a love/hate relationship with it. However, I am well rested and my kids help me with cleaning and housework. They do not rely on me for everything. Soon I will even have a young driver to run some of my errands. Life is good and every age brings with it new challenges, but also new blessings. I am thankful God made my life into something glorious. My blessings are heaped up and spill over.
Monday, November 05, 2012
I Am Gabriel: A Review
This movie is a family and faith movie. It is designed to be a movie you can watch with friends and family without worrying that the content will be offensive. The problem is that this movie is kind of hard to believe. The basic idea is that an angel comes to town to save it. Couple this concept with a low budget and some really bad acting and you have a movie even Bo Duke can't save. Did I mention it stars John Schneider? It also stars Dean Cain.
I do feel compelled to mention that my 11 year old daughter loved this movie.
I should also mention that I cannot give favorable reviews to most of the Christian movies I have seen. I want to. I have even made sure to go to the movies to watch some of them because I WANT this genre to be successful. I want movies that are not offensive. I hate sex scenes and profanity and I would love to see a movie without them. However, faith seems to always come across kind of hokey in these movies. Loves Comes Softly (and MOST of its sequels) is a wonderful exception.
So, I would not highly recommend this movie, but I can't say it is a total waste of time either.
Would you like to decide for yourself? I would be glad to share this movie with the first person to comment and say they would like to watch it.
I do feel compelled to mention that my 11 year old daughter loved this movie.
I should also mention that I cannot give favorable reviews to most of the Christian movies I have seen. I want to. I have even made sure to go to the movies to watch some of them because I WANT this genre to be successful. I want movies that are not offensive. I hate sex scenes and profanity and I would love to see a movie without them. However, faith seems to always come across kind of hokey in these movies. Loves Comes Softly (and MOST of its sequels) is a wonderful exception.
So, I would not highly recommend this movie, but I can't say it is a total waste of time either.
Would you like to decide for yourself? I would be glad to share this movie with the first person to comment and say they would like to watch it.
Friday, September 14, 2012
Grounded
One of my children is grounded from a particular social networking site. She was so sick and upset about it that she went to bed early. I am so saddened by all these virtual connections we have now. It is such an illusion. I had a long talk with my children about not having Facebook friends that are not real friends because then it serves no purpose. Facebook friendships are best when they are a supplement to a real life friendship...a quick way to keep contact and set up coffee dates and play dates. Offer up some encouragement or perhaps even share some bad news.
Instead, I fear the generation of my children uses it for a replacement. Friendship without all the effort. No-frills, if you will. Someone pisses me off? Unfriend and problem solved. Since there wasn't much to begin with, there isn't much lost. Click through some one's statuses and make a snap judgement:like or unlike? Look through my photo album...I am so happy, the pictures prove it. Look at all my wonderful friends, oops, are my boobs showing? I totally did not mean to do that, but I am gonna leave that shot because look how good my hair looks. "LIKE" if you think I'm pretty. No one did, all is lost, I have no friends...oh wait, 2 likes-RAWK ON.
I feel a little sickened by this fake world we are living in.
We are meant to live and grow in community. Our maturity relies on working through conflict. Immaturity does not need to work through conflict. Immaturity can hold a grudge and choose not to speak to you again. So, no one ever has to build a bridge and get over it. No one has to do the hard work of sucking it up and saying 'sorry' even though the other person is the wrong one and you are the injured one...you just want to work it out and move past the problem. No one ever has to confront someone over something they did that was wrong or hurtful. No one ever has to just accept and love someone despite a flaw. There is no spiritual or moral 'high road'. We all just take the easy road and serve our narcissistic selves.
I wish we all could get a bit more grounded
Instead, I fear the generation of my children uses it for a replacement. Friendship without all the effort. No-frills, if you will. Someone pisses me off? Unfriend and problem solved. Since there wasn't much to begin with, there isn't much lost. Click through some one's statuses and make a snap judgement:like or unlike? Look through my photo album...I am so happy, the pictures prove it. Look at all my wonderful friends, oops, are my boobs showing? I totally did not mean to do that, but I am gonna leave that shot because look how good my hair looks. "LIKE" if you think I'm pretty. No one did, all is lost, I have no friends...oh wait, 2 likes-RAWK ON.
I feel a little sickened by this fake world we are living in.
We are meant to live and grow in community. Our maturity relies on working through conflict. Immaturity does not need to work through conflict. Immaturity can hold a grudge and choose not to speak to you again. So, no one ever has to build a bridge and get over it. No one has to do the hard work of sucking it up and saying 'sorry' even though the other person is the wrong one and you are the injured one...you just want to work it out and move past the problem. No one ever has to confront someone over something they did that was wrong or hurtful. No one ever has to just accept and love someone despite a flaw. There is no spiritual or moral 'high road'. We all just take the easy road and serve our narcissistic selves.
I wish we all could get a bit more grounded
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